How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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