I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
