no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
