Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
