That's intense
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
