True but thats because hes a fetus.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
