I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
