Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
