Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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