I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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