omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
