My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
