hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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