The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
