I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
