If i come over, it means nothing
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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