wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was like eating out sand paper
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
