My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
