if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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