i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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