Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
