you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
