she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
