oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
