Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
