We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
