Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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