Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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