i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
