God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
