ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
