It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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