I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize