Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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