it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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