I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
