i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
