Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
