fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize