i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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