i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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