I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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