I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
accomplished twins. life is a go
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize