I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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