Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Blood and glitter go together right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
