i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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