I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
