..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
