I smell stomach acid.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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