i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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