mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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