Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
