is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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