Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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