There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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