he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
