I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
