is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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