the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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