Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
