hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
