where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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