Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
