I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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