I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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