he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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