Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
