between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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