the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
