I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
