Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I did not marry a roomba.
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