OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
